What's it all about, Alfie?

Yesterday I decided that it was time to accept that my attempts at being present for my two youngest kids by texting them every Sunday morning - just to say "Hi!" and wish them a good week, wasn't what I would have liked from my Dad at the time, and they hadn't written back in more than a year, and at the time it was not kind. They need space. If they never reach out to me, it's not because I haven't made it clear that I'm here... it's a conscience, willful choice to not reach out - and they deserve to make those decisions, no matter how it impacts me.

So I wrote them one last time - telling them that if they wanted me to continue - just say so, and I will... but if not, I understand, and I'll be here, if they ever change their mind. I thought it was a pretty good way to put it.

I don't think I'll hear from them except when they want money for college, and then the first time after college they ask - like grad school, or rent, or vacation, or something - and I say "No" - that will be it. Their choice - not mine.

At the same time, I said the same thing to a friend that I used to work with, but hasn't written back in more than three months. I don't want to appear to be a pest, so again... if they want to chat - I'm here... but getting weekly updates from me is something else, and it's OK... people change, things happen, jobs change, and so it goes. That's fine.

In short, I'm deciding that it's OK for people to change. Pick different likes and dislikes, and even if I'm one of the dislikes, that's just the way life is sometimes, and I'll have to be OK with that - family or not.

Moving on. I need to get on with it.

I happened to fall into a funny show on Hulu recently - Stan Against Evil. And it's really good. The premise is a completely over-the-top older sheriff's wife dies, and he goes a little off the deep end, and has to be replaced by a much younger, woman, sheriff. He of course, has no time, respect, tolerance, or interest in this new sheriff, and keeps acting like he's the sheriff.

The wrinkle to this is that his late wife was really protecting him from all kinds of supernatural threats that have been cursed on the sheriffs of this town for the last 400 years. He knew nothing about this, of course, and that his wife even had anything outside the home - let alone protecting him against evil is just too much for him, in the beginning.

Then he realizes what's happening around him - basically, that he's no longer protected, and he has to defend himself - and the new sheriff, as she is cursed for the same reason as he was - being sheriff of this town.

So I stumbled onto this show on Hulu, and watched the first two seasons there, as the new third season is starting soon on IFC. It's silly. It's over the top. It's just fun, and there isn't enough of that these days...

One of the things I'm finally coming to terms with is that I am exactly who I am. Sounds silly - but here's the point that brought this up. A very good friend just sent me a link to a place he'd like to spend a long weekend on his next birthday. It's in the Bahamas, and it's a little cottage right on the ocean. It's secluded... it's small... it's beautiful, and it's got an amazing expanse of water to see. I don't think I could imagine a more amazing view - I'm sure they exist, but this was really spectacular.

And yet I know I'm never going there. Not in this lifetime. These last five years have been transformative for me, and I have come to learn things about myself that I was never forced to see, and I pray most people don't have to. But it's also shown me that the thought of a vacation is just relaxing at home. I know it's not what I'm capable of, but it's what I'm capable of enjoying at this point in my life.

Life happens. It changes us. We adapt. We move on, and we try to find the path that we are comfortable walking.

Like so many other folks, Netflix and Hulu are bringing a lot of really interesting shows to my attention that I can't imagine I would have ever seen, and that's a very nice thing, but at the same time, many of the series I see on both the streaming platforms are already cancelled - without a word in the description that this is the case. At least then, I'm emotionally prepared to have this be the complete story I'll see.

One of the shows I finished recently was Jo on Hulu. And it was really very good. But in the description on Wikipedia, it was cancelled in 2013. It just showed up on Hulu. But 2013... folks... this isn't on the bubble... this is a 5 year old TV corpse.

I mean it's still really good, but there were questions that were left dangling. And I, for one, wanted to know. But I guess I'll have to make them up myself.

In truth, it was nice that it appeared at all, and I need to count the roses and not complain about it - but I do think it'd be nice to have something about the production of these series in the information on Netflix and Hulu.

Today I finally broke down and got the Sonos Playbase and Sub, and I have to say it's as easy to set up as I had hoped. I was a little concerned - because it was going to be using the optical audio out of the TV into the Playbase, but I really shouldn't have worried about it. It's nothing special these days - a simple (but very thin) cable came with the Playbase, and there was no way to put it in wrong. With a nice click it was in and the rest was easy.

Creating the 5.1 surround sound was very simple in the Songs app on my iPhone, and in a few minutes I was sampling the room and checking the balance, and it was just up and going. Very nice. Very simple.

I will say that my TV was doing about what I expected for a 4+ yr old set, and it was a lot harder to figure out how to turn off the internal speakers than I expected. But hey... I know where it is in the settings now, so it's not impossible, but it required scanning every menu on the TV to find it.

Now it's easy to watch TV, and then listen to music. Really nice sound for the living room.

The Shop is out of Diet Coke, and I can respect that they don't owe me a free Diet Coke, but it's still a little sad to see all the other drinks in the fridge, and not my favorite. So... assuming this was a Teachable Moment - I decided to try Coke Zero.

I can respect that people like this - I believe that it's the new Coke formulation in a zero-calorie formulation, but I could be wrong about that. I know I worked with a guy that preferred Coke Zero to Diet Coke, so I thought How bad can this really be? and gave it a try.

It's not horrible, but I'd rather drink water. It's something about the taste - but that completely explains why Coke has the two zero-calorie formulations. There's a real difference, and some don't really like the one. Go figure. In any case, I drank it - can't waste something like that, and then decided against having another.

Experiment done. Results obtained.

I think most of us want to believe that we have a good handle on things. That we have a grasp on the controls on our lives. That we have a hand on the wheel. I have come to the conclusion this last year, that most of it is a illusion that we frame around our lives, so that we don't feel quite as hopeless, and helpless, as we might otherwise feel. This last year off - when I haven't written a word here, but have done a bunch of other things, has reinforced in me the conviction that living in this moment - just this one singular moment, is all that I need, and all that I can really do well.

I used to plan ahead. I used to think about upcoming holidays, upcoming time off work, upcoming events. Not any more. I am here. Right now. In this moment. And there's more than enough to keep me occupied that I don't have to borrow from the past, or the future, in order to fill my day. And that's enough for me.

Maybe someday things will change. Maybe someday I'll feel like there are things worth planning for in the future. And if that day comes, I firmly believe that I'll know and adapt to the change. But if it never happens, that's OK too.

This moment is enough.

Yet one of the things I want to do is to think about the possibility of being out on my own again. Port-to-Port was an experience I was in many ways too unprepared for at the time. I didn't try to guide that experience as I should have. And while I learned a ton in those years, I think there is a lot more I could do if I tried it again.

Step one: Get back to writing. And mix up enough technical stuff that I can start to think about making this a public journal again. The time for all the old posts is well past. I can't imagine that anyone is coming after me at this point, but if they do - maybe that's an important lesson as well. I'll deal with it. But for now, let's do a little writing.

It's almost my birthday, and there's a nearly year-long gap in the posts, when there used to be at least a post a week. Time to get back to writing. I'll be good for me.

It's a new year, and with it, all the new and first that come with the year. I remember just before my oldest was born, my wife and I went midnight bowling with some friends, and I remember they had everyone stop bowling as midnight arrived, and we all counted down to the new year - 1994, I'm pretty sure it was.

After that, I was up, and I threw a strike. I'm not all that good a bowler, but that one happened to fall my way. My friend said "You have the first strike of the year."

It's amazing what we remember, and how it effects us long after the moment has passed.

Well... today is my birthday, and as a little (unexpected) present to myself I got a new washer and dryer combo at Lowe's yesterday after the dryer that came with the house gave up the ghost. It's been a great pair - but about three months ago, the kids overheated the washing machine motor, and then the dryer gave it up yesterday, so I took it as a sign.

Time to knuckle-down and just get a new set.

I have to admit, I'm a fan of the gas dryer - having grown up with electric dryers until I got to college, and then at the grad house they had gas, and I've never looked back. There's just something about the feel of the heat when you open the dryer and it's just done. It's very comforting to me.

One thing I'm kinda surprised that they haven't done yet is to have these devices on WiFi and messaging an app on your phone. I mean think about it - it can't be all that hard, and they put the electronics on these guys to do 57 different cycles and all that, so how hard would it be to text or message a phone?

And like my car, the manufacturer could make one chip/app combo for all their models... it just seems like something for the Uber/Swipe-Right generation.

In any case, it's 55 years today, and I hope that after the delivery this morning my day is nicely calm and uneventful.

I just finished watching For the Love of SPOCK on Netflix, and it was amazing. The people Leonard Nimoy worked with all in the film... the memories, both good and bad, were wonderful and full of love for this man, and the character he created. I grew up on Star Trek, so I could quote you every line they showed clips from. I knew of the failed pilot that became the two-part show with Capt. Pike... all the lines. All the smiles.

And then to see the actors talk about him. It was impressive.

If you have any interest in complicated relationships, and hope that one day they will repair themselves, even through tragedy, this is a story you want to spend two hours on. It's worth it.