What's it all about, Alfie?

I think most of us want to believe that we have a good handle on things. That we have a grasp on the controls on our lives. That we have a hand on the wheel. I have come to the conclusion this last year, that most of it is a illusion that we frame around our lives, so that we don't feel quite as hopeless, and helpless, as we might otherwise feel. This last year off - when I haven't written a word here, but have done a bunch of other things, has reinforced in me the conviction that living in this moment - just this one singular moment, is all that I need, and all that I can really do well.

I used to plan ahead. I used to think about upcoming holidays, upcoming time off work, upcoming events. Not any more. I am here. Right now. In this moment. And there's more than enough to keep me occupied that I don't have to borrow from the past, or the future, in order to fill my day. And that's enough for me.

Maybe someday things will change. Maybe someday I'll feel like there are things worth planning for in the future. And if that day comes, I firmly believe that I'll know and adapt to the change. But if it never happens, that's OK too.

This moment is enough.

Yet one of the things I want to do is to think about the possibility of being out on my own again. Port-to-Port was an experience I was in many ways too unprepared for at the time. I didn't try to guide that experience as I should have. And while I learned a ton in those years, I think there is a lot more I could do if I tried it again.

Step one: Get back to writing. And mix up enough technical stuff that I can start to think about making this a public journal again. The time for all the old posts is well past. I can't imagine that anyone is coming after me at this point, but if they do - maybe that's an important lesson as well. I'll deal with it. But for now, let's do a little writing.

It's almost my birthday, and there's a nearly year-long gap in the posts, when there used to be at least a post a week. Time to get back to writing. I'll be good for me.