What's it all about, Alfie?

I'll admit to being as passionate as anyone I know about lots of things. I can get upset about things, impassioned by things, and in general the only thing I really try to avoid is not feeling as that is just no fun at all.

Recently, work has become far more confrontational than even I find acceptable. At first, I thought these people would be upset, and then let things die down and get back to the business of doing business. I could not have been more wrong.

I've got people upset at me because I dare to propose that their scheme is not the best solution to the problem... I've got others upset with me because a trader asked to bypass them and deal directly with me... and while I suppose the former is at least partly my fault because I could lie and say they had a good plan, the latter is totally out of my control and yet I'm the target.

I just talked to my only real friend here and he said what I was thinking at that exact same moment - This place is sucking my will to live..

I realize that things aren't great... I know the economy is bad, and I'm willing to deal with the problems associated with this job so long as it's something I can control and have some power to effect. Unfortunately, this place is far more like a small business than anyone here probably realizes. The politics of the "boss' favorite" and the "problem child" are all too clear here. I thought I gave that up when I stopped running my own business. I was wrong... in such a big way.

I'm going to have to try and look past this. Try to look towards something that is interesting, even if it doesn't really have a lot of use to anyone. I need to be able to motivate myself to get up in the morning and come into this place. I know these are my jobs. This is life. But this place certainly makes it a lot harder than I can remember it being for a very, very, long time.

I know it's not good to laugh at people that aren't meaning to be funny but some times it's all I can do not to laugh at some folks around here. There was this one time that a developer assured me that decrementing loops - that is, loops whose indeces start at their largest value and then work their way to the smallest, were more efficient than the more standard incrementing kind. I didn't want to argue, and I didn't want to laugh, but it was awfully hard not to at least smile. This upset him more than an argument, I'm guessing and he got very upset at me.

Then there's the situation I've run across today. One of the traders just wanted to come directly to me to get answers because he felt more comfortable coming to me than to my "boss". Now I say "boss" because this man has said We're all on the same Team, and, in fact, I don't take a lot of direction from him other than what features to implement. So when the Trader went to the CTO to get the "OK" to come directly to me, he said "Sure". Then my "boss" got very upset.

People are the funniest things. In Stranger in a Strange Land the author makes the point that humor is about the pain another is feeling. It didn't take me long to agree completly with his premise. And in the case of these two people, they brought their own misery down upon themselves. This is really what makes for good humor.

I remember doing a few really bonehead things here at work right in front of people and they (rightfully) nailed me on it. I was being a bit goofy and it cost me. Nothing major, but enough to get a good laugh out of it. Oh sure, I didn't laugh right away, but I did laugh at it later. It's important in raising good kids to laugh at the situations we, as parents, get ourselves into. It's the only thing that keeps us sane at times.

So for as long as I'm working with Bill Cosby and Jerry Seinfield I might as well enjoy the moments, because they certainly aren't.