Slow Starts but Strong Finishes
Over the course of the last week or so I've noticed that I'm having a really hard time getting motivated in the morning. I'm running well - and that's nice, but it's after that - when I leave for the train, and then work. It's just hard feeling that I'm heading out to do something worthwhile and good.
More like just do what I needed to collect a paycheck. And I hate that feeling.
Yet at about 4:00 pm, when the workday is almost over, I'm looking back at what I accomplished during the day and it's simply amazing! It's like I'm able to forget about all the things that had me down at the start of the day, and the things I'm able to do with the code I'm working on make me smile and laugh -- all the time!
So I'm trying to figure out what it's all about. Why the slow start, and strong finish? Why can't I look forward to the work so that my day starts with excitement? If I know I'm heading for a day that I'm going to do great, fun things - then why can't I use that as motivation at the start of the day?
I have a feeling it's related to The Three-Martini Lunch.
Specifically, I'm not really sure what's happening at The Shop right now. Yes, there's work, for now, but it could all end on Aug 1 - when I deliver this app I'm working on. They have plans, but it's all still awaiting approval by upper-management, and that, to me, means that it's still up for debate as to what will be done.
If that's the case, then I could find myself maintaining one little clojure app - and some .NET code (shudder) in just no time at all.
Yet when I'm able to ignore all that... forget the place I'm working, and just focus on the problems at the keyboard, then I can start solving problems, and delivering value. That makes me happy. It's like work - the real act of solving probelems, using clojure and it's amazing toolset, allows me to forget the realities of my current situation.
Clojure is my mid-afternoon drinking.
It doesn't solve anything. It's just getting drunk to avoid the problems you're facing. Tomorrow you'll be sober, and it'll all come back to you. So you dive into the "bottle" (work) and don't come up for air.
I'm not sure this is the correct analogy, but I have a feeling it's close. I love the work, and the work is what I find enjoyment from. But the place seems to be having a hard time with focus, and that concerns me.
Not much I can do about it, so it's likely to continue for a while.