Turning a Very Painful Corner
This evening Liza wanted to talk. She told me what was up with the kids, which was nice, because they aren't texting or calling me back, so it's nice to hear about what's up with them. Then she asked me how I was doing, and there wasn't a lot I needed to say other than it's been horrible. But I could tell there was something she needed to say, and she was just working up to it.
After I explained that I wanted to work together towards a future where we were both happy, she explained to me that she wanted a divorce. That the year that we weren't supposed to 'do anything' during was really too long. She wants to sell the house and get on with her life. She believes that I'll be "snapped up" by one of the ladies at church - after all, I have good teeth and a well-paying job.
I was upset that she so easily passed off my pain as something that was easily "fixed" by "someone else"… and that she told the same thing to the kids when they said to her that I'd be alone for the rest of my life.
I asked if she was sure, and she was. She is.
I don't think I've felt quite that hopeless in my entire life.
At our rehearsal dinner, I made a toast to her:
Everyone that knows me knows I'm as serious as death.
But Liza has given me something I didn't know one person could give another.
She has given me hope.
Tonight, at least for a while, she's stripped it away.
I don't think it's gone forever. I sure hope it's not. But this is a horrible feeling.
But I'm glad I know. I'm glad there's no more questions about what might be. What might happen. It's clear now that she has no interest in being married to me. So I can close this chapter in my life and move on.
As difficult as those two things might be, I have to do them.
I've turned a corner. Like it or not.