Struggling With a Lot of Things Lately
This last week at home has been a real struggle for me. I'm trying to figure out why I'm working as hard as I am in a job with pretty much no bonus structure and co-workers that think that coming in at 8:00 am is too early. I'm not saying they are wrong, I'm wondering why I'm working as hard as I am if they are seen as OK?
There's similar stuff going on at home. I'm working harder than ever, but it appears to be a completely thankless job - even from those that should know better.
So the latest is that the project manager for the project at The Shop said that he had to have certain transparency features that he has now - when we move to the new demand system - that we've already moved to, by the way. He said that he needed two features that I an specifically told him he was not going to have if we moved forward with this project, and he said he was "OK" with that. I've come to learn that he's the one individual that I've talked to at work that consistently never really listens to me.
Oh, I don't think I'm singled out in that regard - I'm sure there are lots of peopler he doesn't listen to, but when I take a lot of time to lay things out clearly, and carefully, and he buys off on them, it's more than a little annoying to see him do a complete 180 when it's now deployed. It shouldn't be a surprise, but it's incredibly frustrating, and it's really gotten me thinking.
Like why do I even try? Why not just give him the crap he's asking for, and then when he gets it tell him he didn't listen to me, show him the emails, and then stare at him in the face. If he thinks he doesn't have to listen to me, maybe he doesn't? Who am I to say?
At the same time, I'm ready to quit. Of course I won't, but this is exactly what I hate most about the places I've been recently - crappy management. Really crappy management. If they want me to do something weird, or talk to this legacy system, or whatever, at least I can understand that reason and move on. But when the manager of the project is countermanding his own orders, then it means there's nothing I can count on at all. There's no reason to say anything, and in short, everything is a waste if time.
That's what's so frustrating. Feeling like I'm wasting my time. I hate that.
Anyway, tomorrow is the first day back, and I'm going to present my case, point out that he was told about these, and then let him pick. After he chooses wrongly, I'll just talk to my management (other management, this place is like Office Space) and tell them that this is the one thing I hate, and has caused me to leave other places. I'm not being mean, or nasty, but if they understand the total crap this is, I think they'll at least understand my position - even if they don't applaud my response to it.
They can't like wasting their time anymore than I like wasting mine.
I got a lot of anger towards a lot of people right now. Wanna just throw it all away, but I have to deal with these people, and that makes it very very hard.