Sometimes the Explanation is the Hardest Part
Today I had a meeting with my Boss and he wants me to take a more managerial role in the project he's got, and I appreciate the opportunity, but he really wasn't listening to me when I tried to explain that I didn't think I'd be the right guy for the job. I don't blame him there, either. He's got a tough position and needs to have this project succeed. Everything he's put me on has succeeded, and that's a pretty impressive 7 year track record. Makes sense he wants me to do this.
But it's not what I want to do. Not even a little.
I've been the manager, I'm not that good at it for a wide spectrum of people. I lead by example, I believe in hard work and honest mistakes, and if you're talking and chatting about the Cubs then say you've had no time this week to complete your assigned duties, I've got absolutely no sympathy for you. Face it... you had an assignment, you played around and now want to say you have no time? Sorry. You messed up. Face it, apologize, and don't do it again.
Unfortunately, that's not how a lot of the folks in this place seem to function. They have their own pace. As long as the current management is happy with them, that's great. I just know if I were to manage these folks, many would think I'm even more of a jerk than they already do. But none of them would be able to say that I asked anyone to do anything I haven't already done myself.
I owned a company, I've done the management thing. I realize I'm not the kind that really inspires people. I'm the person that works very hard to get something done and then moves on. I don't waste a lot of time on chit-chat, it's just not how I enjoy spending my days. I want to create. That's what makes my day have meaning.
But they seem determined to try and push me into a management role - that really isn't a management role at all. Just a role of responsibility. Responsibility without authority - a recipe for disaster every time. When I try to explain it to him, he's not really listening. He doesn't want to hear that I don't want this... he needs to hear I'm all on-board and ready to go. So explaining to him without offending him is nearly impossible.
So I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I know that I'm going to do my best as long as I'm here, but this may very well be the reason to move on. I've had a great run here, better than most. So it's not bad to walk away at this point. Look for new challenges, seek greener pastures, all that. Maybe this is just that event I've been waiting for to get me into gear.