Trying to Find the Passion in the Work Again
I was talking to a friend today and realized that I'm really suffering a mini-crisis of faith in the work I'm doing. There are plenty of times that I've really loved the work I was doing, but when I stepped back, and took a real look around, I wasn't as thrilled with the environment I was working in. While no place is perfect, I've found myself more than a little disappointed with the environment on issues that are becoming fundamental to my opinions about work and management and responsibilities.
Maybe it's because I'm getting older. It's certainly possible. I also don't claim to be the most patient person in the world. But recently, the effort I've been putting in seems to be very one-sided, and as I heard a friend say a few weeks ago -- relationships need to be give-and-take, not one-sided, to last. And right now, I feel very one-sided on this working relationship.
So rather than think about the situation I'm finding myself in, which I know I can do precious little about at this time, I'm trying to find the passion I had for the work so that I can at least feel good about the work I'm doing. Unfortunately, I'm finding it harder and harder to do.
I'm finding myself thinking more about writing code for my Mac, and even if it's financial, it's mine, and it's doing work on a platform I really like, and the undercurrent is that it's for something that matters to me, not The Shop. But that's not happening these days… I'm working just too much, and there's no time at all for extra coding.
Maybe I just need a vacation. When this project is done, maybe I just need to take some time off and come back when I feel ready to enter this place again. Hard to say… the concern would be that I never wanted to come back, but I guess that's something to think about as well.
For now, it's something I'm working on… I just wish I were having more success.