Interesting Realization about Praise and Hostility
I've been working pretty hard today - and for me that's saying something. There were a few things that were very near to completion, and I wanted to get them all out to the users today so I could write them off my list. I had a deployment to do, then I needed to incorporate a few more data sources to my web app, then I needed to update a few pages with additional features the users had asked for. Nothing took more than an hour or so, but there were a lot of those hour-long projects I wanted to get through.
By the time early afternoon rolled around I found that I was in a pretty crummy mood. I started to think about a conversation we had this past week about my need for appreciative feedback. She had suggested that I volunteer at the Apple Store (or get paid, either way) because the people coming in there are (usually) very appreciative of the Genius Bar's ability to fix things up.
I didn't have the heart to tell her about the bad stories I'd heard from the Genius Bar workers on the net, but that's not the point. She was saying that the work I do is nice, and it's fulfilling, but everyone wants a little positive feedback for their efforts. Otherwise, it's going to lead to burn-out.
As I was thinking of this I realized she was totally right. What's more, while I may have felt that my last job was far more hostile, it was also far more appreciative.
The harsh remarks of my last place were, at times, clearly over the top. But primarily confined to a few folks. It was certainly not universal. And when they came, it was clear they were issued by a person that was very upset about something - maybe the problem they were talking about, and maybe it was something else entirely. But in every case, I was able to clearly identify the issues involved and indicate if there was something that I could do to resolve the issue.
No question, there were folks there that could go over the top with verbal anger at times.
What I hadn't realized was that there were other folks - the majority of folks, in fact, that would go over the top with appreciation.
The majority of the support folks... the majority of the operations staff... even the majority of the traders were very appreciative of my work. True, I had been there many years and built tools that were the cornerstone of the risk analysis, but still... there were web systems I built, and legacy apps I maintained and all those people were appreciative of the efforts.
Even the loudest of the 'loud angry' folks was very appreciative at times.
Which brings me to why I feel so crummy this afternoon - there's virtually no appreciation in this position now. There's no "loud angry" people either, but if I had to accept the latter to get the former, I think I'd do it every day of the week. If I'm going to be working 11 hr days, and making a 90 min commute - each way, I'd like to know that what I do matters.
In the last four years of my old place, I almost never got yelled at. Plenty of times in the first three, but less and less as time went on. I was good at what I did, and when I said I'd get it done, it got done. No one had a reason to get angry at me. My stuff just worked. So while I was working in a hostile environment, I wasn't the target of much hostility. I was, however, the recipient of a good bit of the appreciation.
I miss that. I really do.
If I'm going to work for no appreciation, I'll still do it. I'll just pull up quite a bit short of where I've been working because there's no one giving back to me. Also, the faux appreciation of some folks doesn't count. You can tell when it's genuine, and when it's "just words".
So today has been an important realization for me. I realized that if I'm going to be leaving it on the track every day, I'm going to need to hear a genuine "good job" now and then. If I'm not going to get it, I can't really leave it all on the track -- I'll burn out. And I've been very close to burn-out the last few weeks.
So it's time to work as hard as I can - for myself. If I get more from the users, that's great, and I'll be able to give a little more, but if not -- and they are by no means required to do so, then I'll at least have enough left over for the family in the evening.
And I know they deserve it.