Introspection is Painful
Several things have happened in the last few days that have caused me to look back on things, times, places, and look within to see if I'm really the person I think I am, or if I'm just kidding myself. It's not a fun process. Never is. Never has been.
The first incident was an old friend from grad school emailed me about some pictures that Purdue had up on it's site for the graduates. Some were clearly professionally done, others were very clearly not. What sort of stung was the fact that I spent 9 yrs. there and there was no picture of me. It's like I was a ghost. Invisible. But I wasn't. I taught classes, did research, did a lot of stuff, but in the end, I'm only a footnote, it seems. Now I know that I didn't take the time, effort, or money to get a professionally done photo for the school, and I didn't go out of my way to put in an amateur one. But I am willing to guess that my friend that sent me the links didn't go out of his way to get an amateur picture of him there, either.
I'm surprised at myself, a little. I didn't think it would bother me, but it does. Just a bit. I look back and think What difference am I making? and I'm stuck thinking that about the only thing I'm really doing of any permanence is raising great kids. No one really seems to care too much about the work I'm doing. And in all honesty, if I weren't doing it, they'd survive. Maybe have to have more people, or do with less, but they'd still keep rolling.
Which brings me to the second thing that recently happened that caused me to take stock. Yesterday, I wrote about the Rock Star programmer, and today I talked to his manager - simple saying that one of my concerns before we hired him was that he might turn out to be just like this - Do what I want, or I'll do it anyway. And the feedback I got from his manager was a little surprising, and at the same time not: he was happy with the guy. He hadn't had any experiences like I had with the guy and was producing a lot of stuff - comparable to the others in the group. Again, I hate to say it, but it's classic Rock Star programmer - gets lots done, but don't cross him.
I didn't push it, and didn't want the manager to do anything at this point, I really just wanted to express my concerns and see how his dealings with 'Mick' had been going. I know in my bones that this guy is going to be more hassle than he's worth. But I'm not about to make it an issue. But it got me to thinking: Am I a Rock Star programmer?
I suppose that anyone that's really productive can think that maybe there's a little element of the Rock Star programmer in them. Being a Rock Star is, after all, about getting a ton of work done in a very short time. But very soon after that, the similarities end and a good, senior, developer is entirely different from a Rock Star. So I was looking within and trying to see if I was really who I thought I was.
I guess the thing I look at are those things that I see that are clearly not the qualities of a Rock Star in myself. Like the middle of the night phone calls. Never lost my cool, always explained everything, walked them through the problem, or if they wanted, I just fixed it myself and then sent out an email explaining the problem. Existing code - I stick with what is as opposed to what I'd like it to be. I might not code this class a certain way, but if it's there and working, I'm not going to spend the time to recode it just because I don't like the way it looks, or how it's structured. Now, if I have to re-write big sections of it, I'll probably clean up the indentation, add a bunch of comments, and such. When I write new, I try to stick with the 'tone' of the rest of the library/package/project. It's just easier on the next guy that might have to pick this up. There's no need to make it look like it's been written by multiple folks, even though it clearly has.
So I guess I'm comfortable with where I sit in the spectrum. I'm certainly not a wallflower, but I'm pretty confident that I'm not a Rock Star either.