Month Five of My Second Chapter
I'm not sure I want to call it My Most Painful Year anymore. I think it certainly still is, and there's no signs of it getting anything but more painful in the months to come, but I think I'm giving it the wrong emphasis. Yes, it's painful, and Liza seems to be doing her best to make it as painful as it can possibly be, but that's her choice, and while it may be her focus this year, I'm starting to think that it shouldn't be mine. Maybe I shouldn't have a focus?
Liza is going to get what the law says I have to give her. The lawyers will hash it out, and I'll force her to spend as much of her part of my money as possible to make her realize that she needs to take less and less in order for her to keep more of it in the end. After all, lawyers will love to burn up my money on both sides of the table.
But as much as I want to make her aware of the pain she's causing me, I think she knows. Her Dad is embarrassed by her actions. He says it's a "nightmare" that he just wants to wake up from. I know she values his opinion, so it's got to be tough to see her Dad taking my side in this. But it's not enough to make her care about me - and that, my friends, she never did.
So I have to try and just stay in the moment. Not focus on anything too much. Just like running, I need to put some miles between myself and this event. Get as much distance as quickly as possible before I turn back to try and get a little perspective on it. I'm too close right now, and that only makes looking at it painful and hard. But that's honestly to be expected. So I have to stop doing that as much as possible, and just focus on the running.
Once I get sufficient distance, I'll be able to look back, and not feel it so intensely. But I know that's going to take a lot of time.