Maybe the Key to a Happier Life?
This morning I'm riding in on the train, bus, and walking and got a text from Joseph thanking me for waking him up this morning:
I want to reiterate how much I appreciate you waking me up. I always feel like I seem really pissed at you because I'm late, but you've saved me a lot of trouble many times. So thank you.
I sent back:
Son, and I mean that with all the love in my heart, it's my pleasure, and I totally understand. You're very welcome.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm glad to wake him up. And deal with waking the girls, and their nasty morning attitudes. It needs to be done, but I have to say that it gets more than a little annoying to see and hear nothing but grief from them. Which brings me to this morning's realization.
Life is not an "even" game. Not even close.
The most contented people I know have given up the idea of "fair", and accepted that people will hurt them far more than they will, in turn, hurt others. It's not the "takers" that are happy, it's the "givers". Even when it's not a gift, these "givers" accept that they cannot expect fairness and equality in the world. They accept that life is what it is, and they can only do what they can. And just move on.
My Mom is a classic example. When I was growing up, my sisters picked on her all the time, and were merciless. It was bad. I wished they would stop, but I was the younger brother, and they did it to me as well. I could do nothing to stop it, and it always amazed me that my Mom didn't seem to mind.
Years later, I found that it was breaking her heart, and it made me all the more sad for her. I didn't understand at the time that she was doing the best she could, and rather than confront them - which would be pointless, they'd just make fun of her more, she chose to accept that life wasn't fair, and that her children were going to be making fun of her for this period in her, and their, lives.
Today I'm faced with the same thing. The kids are intelligent, and so are vicious in their attacks on Liza and me. It's to the point that I just don't speak in the car. When I forget, and say even the most unassuming thing, it's "source" for the girls. I'll hear about it for the rest of the day. I want to yell at them, but that'll just be more fodder for the guns.
While some will say "Fight back" - that just teaches them that anger and attacks are "OK". They know - deep down, that what they are doing is not nice. It's fun, but it's not nice. And they don't do it to most people - just family. So some day, like my sisters, they'll stop, and while they'll probably never apologize, they'll stop, and that will be good enough.
I can't even the score with them. That's not right, and it'll never happen. So I need to accept that life, certainly my life, at 50 is not really about fair. It's about making it through the day with as few a set of negatives as possible. Try to find something enjoyable about the day before I go home and have to listen to them.
I'm going to work really hard on this… I think it's really the key to long-term happiness.