No More Excuses
It's been a very long time since I wrote a post. Work has been as difficult as I can ever remember it being. I've written at times about how it's killing my ability to write anything, and while the same it true today, I'm not going to let that possibility crush the life out of me. Not now. And shame on me for letting it get to me before.
Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think - Fortune Cookie
I'm tired of being in the midst of a tragedy. I don't have to be, and if I simply refuse to be, I won't be.
Oh, my circumstances won't change because of this, but the way in which I interpret them certainly will. Again, tragedy or comedy - the choice is ultimately mine. And starting today I'm choosing comedy. And there's a very good reason for it.
I've been at The Shop for more than 18 months, and I've completed a few really solid products. It's nothing that someone else couldn't have done, but I was here, I did it, and they know it. Good work so far.
I was originally hired to work with a really sharp, funny, guy. I've done all kinds of things in my day, so I know it's not the what you are doing it's the who you are doing it with that matters. My previous place had been a really nice job with some decent people but a really difficult manager. The great work environment, good perks, and nice company didn't even come close to offsetting the bad manager, and so I tried to learn from my mistakes and this job was about the guy I'd be working with.
So fast forward to the present day. My boss/partner is now heading up IT for The Shop, and I am lucky to talk to him once a week, and it's been months since I really worked with him. I have been lucky to find someone else to work with for the last few months, but now it seems I'm being reassigned, and he's not coming with me. So the reason for me taking this job is really gone. What's left is just coding - and I can do that anyplace.
So the reason for me coming to work at The Shop is gone, and my attempts to resurrect it have been failures. I've found someone good to work with, but all attempts for me to continue the working relationship seem to have failed as well. Now we get to the kicker - I'm being re-assigned to the one group I didn't want to work in. And I'm being given no choice int he matter.
It seems there's always one no matter where you go. The group that's hand-picked by someone high up in the organization, to make some kind of Untouchables squad. They are smart folks - to be sure. But probably not as smart as they think they are. Certainly not as smart as they are telling others. But because they were hand-picked, their egos go pretty much unchecked, and that becomes a significant problem.
We're a trading company, but some of the Untouchables come in at 10:30 am - two hours after the open. I'm sure there's a type of job that this works for, but one of the key developers in a trading organization it's not. Yet nothing is done because he's one of the special few. And that's just one of the problems.
My concern, when I was offered a position in this group a few weeks ago, was that my style of work would not mesh at all with this group. I was reading rands' tweets the other day and came across this article that very much defines how I see myself and how I work: meaningful and mindful work. It is a very nice little statement of the principles of some individuals - but I can see it's not for everyone.
Yet for me, it's gospel. I don't need this particular job. I'm fortunate to have found myself in an industry, in a time, with a skill set that is currently in high demand. Another time, another place, another set of circumstances that brought me here, and I'd be in trouble. But I'm lucky that I'm not. And thankful for that.
This group I'm slotted to go into has picked on one of it's own to the point of bringing a nice, reasonably happy man, to sobbing tears in the middle of a workday. That's not the kind of group I'm going to fit into easily as I'm not the type that's going to sit and take it. I'm as likely to lash out and inflict wounds on those intending to do the same to me. It's not a good plan, in my book. Which is exactly why I asked not to be placed in that group.
But my request went unheeded.
So today, in a few hours, in fact, I'm going to have my first meeting with the leaders of the Untouchables, and we'll see how things go. I'm not looking for a fight, but I also know that I simply cannot trust any one of them. They may turn out to be decent folks to work with, and everything I've seen from the outside might be explained logically by the different view from the inside. But the coming in at 10:30 am and making a grown man cry are going to take a lot of explaining, and I'm not holding my breath that I'm going to buy their explanations. But they deserve a chance.
If I am not convinced that this is a good thing for me, it'll be time to talk to a few partners - my original boss, and my new boss. I will certainly give them a chance to explain the logic of this move, and their plans moving forward. But given that I've been through a lot in my processional life, and only recently has it become so depressing that I've been unable to write in my journal, I'm not interested in the same old stories that I've heard from them in the past.
After all… I don't really need this particular job.