Enlightenment is Never a Gradual Thing
I have never considered myself a real people person. Sure, I like people. I like talking to them, I like listening to a good story, and even like listening to them when they don't necessarily have a good story. But I'm happier with fewer people around me. I don't like crowds. I find great comfort in silence. So I would not consider myself to be someone that's got a great read on people.
Because of how I was raised, and what life experiences I've had, I, like many people, do not really see myself as others see me. I don't see when someone is threatened by me if I am not threatened by them. I tend to filter what I see, by what I'm experiencing at the time. Consequently, I do not see deception very well. I'm easily fooled.
In one sense, I like this. I love magic. I know it's not real. I have a great friend that does magic, and he's shown me a lot of the tricks. The manuals, books, tricks, and the very elaborate and expensive machines that really "do" the magic. It's an illusion, but one that I gladly succumb to.
I have held my current position for over seven years. As an hourly consultant. That's a long time in this business. Not as long as some, but a lot longer than others. Why? I believe that it's because I work very hard, I'm smarter than the average bear... in short - I Produce. No two ways about it. I make ideas a reality in timescales that simply don't apply to the other people I work with.
I've heard the CTO call it "Bob Time".
Fair enough. I think it's a compliment, and I take it as such.
But some people close to me (Liza and friends) have been saying for years that many people I work with are threatened by me. In the past, I've agreed - as if to say "Sure, I believe you", when I really didn't. I mean really - who'd be threatened by me? I'm about the most un-threatening person I've ever met. (OK, here I understand that this is very subjective and I'm probably way off base on this, but you get the point.)
Yesterday I was asked to a meeting with several managers in the Shop with the topic of how to move forward in the coming year(s) with the service that my application provides. It was carefully phrased that it wasn't about my application (suite, really) - per se... it was about the service that my application provides. Fair enough, I can't imagine what they are planning on doing - seeing as how there's no application to take it's place (really) in the near future, but I'll play along.
So I get to this meeting and on the manager's whiteboard I see designs about what "could be" where they have gutted my fast-tick server and replaced it with another risk system. It's possible, in theory, to make this replacement, where the theory fails is in the timely delivery of the amount of data necessary to keep the end-users seeing what they want to see when they want to see it.
I am very familiar with the replacement engine. It's a package from a vendor that I cannot name (already been threatened with lawsuits) and a product that I cannot name (ditto). But that doesn't make it any better a product. It's a mess. It's a multi-million dollar mess. And in this meeting I find out that we have contractually agreed to buy 80 seats of this app which they now realize is a horrible waste of money. Not being good business people, they don't understand the concept of sunk cost, and are determined to leverage this expenditure to ruin other things as well.
At the current time, my app does everything it needs to, faster than anyone expects, and at a cost that is so low it's hard to imagine anything purchased beating it in cost/benefit analysis. But they want to leverage this other (bad) product. So they want to merge the two and make the "best of both" solution.
That's the start of the meeting.
I was the only technical person there.
They never asked my opinion. Not once.
They were far more interested in telling me their ideas then listening to why it was a good idea, or not, and what really should be done to try and make use of this horrible multi-million dollar white elephant. I never understood why until today.
They really are threatened by me.
Not for their jobs... I'm the lowest of the low on the totem pole. There's no one I threaten for their job. But their reputation is something else. Also, as they consider themselves to be "smart people", they want to be able to look back at what's been built and say "There - see that? I told him how to do it." Ego.
At the end of the meeting another issue was raised, and I was told that I'd do what one of these managers asked of me - and they knew I didn't like it, and didn't care.
So to add to the insult, they show that they have power over me, and even on top of that, they point out that they don't care - effectively putting me in a 'servant' role. How low did they plan on placing me? Slave?
I was upset, and left early. I didn't go in today, and had the opportunity to watch a little of the show House on DVR with my 14 yr old son. I'm glad I did... it was the seed of The Enlightenment.
One of the characters in this episode asked House (a genius doctor with horrible people skills) why he got into medicine when it was very clear that he disliked people so much. "Research, where you could make your own world, would seem a better fit". House responded with a little story about his childhood in Japan.
He and a hurt friend went into the wrong door of a hospital and saw this janitor scrubbing floors. They found their way to the Emergency Room and as his friend was getting fixed up, House walked around a bit. There was a patient that the doctors were stumped on. Totally baffled about the disease. So they finally decided to call in the specialist. Through the door walks the janitor. He was one of the 'untouchables', but was so smart, and always had the right answer, that they knew when they were completely beaten, they could go to him and he'd know the answer.
House went on to day "It was then I knew it wasn't about fitting in. It was about being right." It hit me like a ton of bricks. That is very similar to how I'm treated by my co-workers at the Shop. I'm the person they call when they have no idea what the problem is, but know in their bones that I'm going to have the solution to their problems.
Case in point: Yesterday one guy couldn't log into his linux box. He'd been able to for weeks, so it wasn't something configured wrong. It was new. Also, someone else was able to get into his box and all was OK. He and his neighbor worked on this for at least two hours. No luck. Then they came to me. I had ti solved in 5 mins. Time. The clock on the box wasn't being synced to the time servers so kerberos didn't like the time shift and disallowed the login. Simple fix - set up the step-tickers file and start ntpd. Easy.
But in the face of the one guy, he was angry. Very angry. He's relatively new - only a few weeks here, but is an old friend of the management group. Good Old Boy. He's never said 'Hi' to me after I've said 'Hi' to him in the halls. Many would call his actions downright rude. So for me to have fixed the problem he and his co-worker couldn't was a blow to his ego.
And the same is true for the meeting I was in.
No one wanted my opinion. They wanted to shape my opinion. When they saw that it wasn't happening, or they felt they'd said what they wanted to say, then they stopped and the meeting was over. That I hadn't agreed with them made the last part easier, but it would have happened anyway. Maying sure to put me in 'my place' was essential to their sense of order. I was (and am) capable of doing great things in record time. This is undeniable. Talent like that usually commands respect. Or fear. They were simply showing themselves to me to be the kind of people that fear me.
It's sad, but it became as clear as day with that TV show. I'm not someone to be treated as an equal. In that sense, I'm 'untouchable'. Yet they know I can solve these things like no one else can, and in so doing, make them look good for having made the choices they have. When you make good choices you don't need a miracle worker to make them look good - so almost by definition, I'm only called in on the very bad decisions.
When I do what they ask, and make something wonderful out of a mess, they hate me for being able to do it so effortlessly. Anger, fear, power... it's not a great combination in a group of people. It leads to bad things.
It's clear to me that they will never treat me kindly. It's not what they are ever going to do. I'll finish my time here and get a new job, because there's no place for me long-term where so many of the management team fear and hate me.